


love you anyway

by bwee



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 22:40:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8262994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bwee/pseuds/bwee
Summary: jihoon and soonyoung talk about love





	

**Author's Note:**

> shockingly, i didn't make jihoon suffer for once.   
> also this is kind of a mess...

jihoon and soonyoung are laying on their backs on the practice room floor next to each other, millimeters apart. not touching but close enough that if soonyoung moved his arm they could be and maybe it wouldn't be suspicious. but maybe it would be so he doesn't. jihoon sighs wistfully and smiles at the ceiling. soonyoung feels his gut twist as he stares, wishing that smile was for him.

"is this love?" jihoon turns his face to soonyoung's and soonyoung feels his brain fill with fuzz, thoughts becoming static on a tv screen. he counts to ten and tries to breathe through the butterflies fluttering violently in his lungs.

"weird time to make a confession ji," he laughs out "don't know how your girlfriend would feel about that." jihoon shoves him gently and soonyoung feels his touch like fire burning a hole through his skin.

"i'm _talking_ _about my girlfriend_ you fucking idiot," jihoon says like soonyoung doesn't know exactly who he's talking about. he wants to run out of the room or cry and scream at jihoon, tell him to stop fucking hurting him like this. but jihoon is his best friend and he's expecting an answer to his question. soonyoung weighs his options.

"no," he says and he's surprised at how easily it comes out when nothing about this situation is easy. apparently jihoon's surprised too if the crease in his eyebrows is anything to go by. "i think... if you have to ask, then it probably isn't love. love isn't the kind of thing you need to wonder about. love doesn't tell you it's happening until it's already happened. and when it does you just. you _know_. it hits you like a train and it steals the air from your lungs and it's terrifying and dizzying and beautiful all at the same time. you want to laugh and cry and scream and bake a fucking cake for the universe. and maybe it'll kill you but not feeling it seems like it would kill you faster." soonyoung is watching jihoon's face and he's never seen that expression before, doesn't know what it is. it doesn't look happy and he feels sweat accumulate on his palms. "so i think... since you're asking, it isn't love." he turns his face away and watches jihoon in the mirror, shifting his body to a sitting position to look down at soonyoung.

"hey," he starts "are you in love with someone and not telling me?" soonyoung feels his throat tighten. he wants to tell him _yes_ , yes he's in love and he isn't telling him because it's _jihoon_. _he's in love with jihoon_ and has been for so long and he knows it's wrong but he thought he stood a chance once so he let it happen and now this is how the world is paying him back.

but he can't say that because jihoon has a girlfriend and jihoon is his best friend and this is all so messed up. he looks at the jihoon reflected in the mirror and wonders if the inverted jihoon in front of him could love him in the way that the real jihoon behind him doesn't.

“yeah,” he whispers to the jihoon in the mirror and he watches as his face screws up in anger or confusion or hurt, soonyoung isn't sure which.

“what the fuck?” jihoon replies “why wouldn't you tell me? aren't we supposed to be best friends forever?” he says the last part with heavy sarcasm, something soonyoung knows he does to draw attention away from how much he means the words. soonyoung tightens his jaw and flops over onto his back, meeting jihoon's eyes. they send him a message of hurt and curiosity and soonyoung doesn't want to know the message his eyes are sending back.

“best friends forever,” he whispers, closing his eyes. “that's the problem.”

“soonyoung?” there's a hint of fear somewhere in jihoon's voice and it makes soonyoung's chest feel heavy.

“i'm in love with...” he opens his eyes, leans up on his elbows to be close enough to feel jihoon's breath ghosting over his mouth. He stays like that for longer than he should, long enough that he thinks he sees something click in jihoon's mind, thinks maybe he finally understands. soonyoung panics. “you!” he throws his arms around jihoon and ignores the squeezing in his rib cage, the way his heart pounds like it's trying to break free. he makes kissy noises and laughs maniacally, hoping it doesn't sounds nearly as mechanical as it feels. “is that what you thought i was going to say?” he pulls back and lets jihoon punch him square in the chest, feels it resonate and shake his entire body.

“god, you're such an asshole,” jihoon laughs, visibly relaxing. soonyoung's plastered on smile falters for only a fraction of a second as he makes a mental note of this moment, of the joy on jihoon's face when he thinks soonyoung doesn't love him.

jihoon stands and shoves his hand out as an offering to soonyoung. soonyoung knows that he shouldn't take it, that it means more to him than it does to jihoon, but he takes it anyway. he'll take anything jihoon is willing to give him. he holds on to jihoon's hand like it's going to keep him together, stop his bones from shaking and cracking violently, like it isn't what's causing this upheaval inside of him. once soonyoung is on his feet, jihoon is satisfied and starts to pull his hand away but soonyoung's grasp remains firm, not ready to let go just yet.

 


End file.
